Hamilton Peck reporting for F.HaMs from County Hospital, Los Angeles.
Fat Hams received the shocking news today that Veronica Pancetta - American Vogue and regular fashion columnist here at F.HaMs - was seriously mauled by her own dog. The incident occurred during Veronica's visit to California, at Venison Beach's much anticipated Spring Revelation. Julio Prosciutto, Spring Revelation's mastermind, was devastated.
JP: "I just don't now what happened... what is this? I blame global warming and the Republicans... this unseasonal weather... it was just too hot out there..."
The chunky local Venison Beach sheriff, Virginia Ham, takes over as Julio collapses.
VH: "I happened to be observing the show because good ham-fashion is hard to come by especially for a women of my stature. Well, we reckon this unfortunate incident arose from the dog smelling Ms. Pancetta's delicate skin taking a roasting in our hot California sun. You should see her now, she looks like a raisin. That little dog of hers got a whiff of her and it just went outright deranged. I think she saw it in that mutt's eyes, because to all accounts she ran the full length of the catwalk with that crazed mongrel in pursuit. Now I say mongrel because, though it might look like one of the pedigree handbag pooch's, I have my suspicions.
"Now I saw this mauling kicking off and I dived in to help, being an oftentimes reader of Ms. Pancetta's columns, and I remembered me a Pepperami I had in my pocket. Now I waved that sausage in that mongrels face and I guess it ended up saving Ms. Panacetta, because though the dog was small Ms. Pancetta is a waif of lady. Now how did I know that dog was a mongrel? Believe you me, it aint no pedigree pooch who's gonna go munching on Pepperami over Ms. Pancetta, so that's how I knows its a mongrel."
___
We're still waiting for more news from the hospital as to Veronica's current condition, but the good news is that she is stable and all damage was restricted to the ankle and below, due to the diminutive stature of her attacker. We have spoken to the family and they assure us that visitors are welcome. Veronica's physician has told us that due to the nature of the wounds the normal no-smoking rule of the hospital has been waived because they believe that smoking will help in the curing process. Veronica will be returning to her home in the Hamptons as soon she is well enough to be moved.
Visiting hours 9am-11am and 2.30pm-5.30pm, max 3 visitors, or 2 if extraordinarily large hams. Ward C: Burns, Minor Over-cooking and Bites
Fat Hams received the shocking news today that Veronica Pancetta - American Vogue and regular fashion columnist here at F.HaMs - was seriously mauled by her own dog. The incident occurred during Veronica's visit to California, at Venison Beach's much anticipated Spring Revelation. Julio Prosciutto, Spring Revelation's mastermind, was devastated.
JP: "I just don't now what happened... what is this? I blame global warming and the Republicans... this unseasonal weather... it was just too hot out there..."
The chunky local Venison Beach sheriff, Virginia Ham, takes over as Julio collapses.
VH: "I happened to be observing the show because good ham-fashion is hard to come by especially for a women of my stature. Well, we reckon this unfortunate incident arose from the dog smelling Ms. Pancetta's delicate skin taking a roasting in our hot California sun. You should see her now, she looks like a raisin. That little dog of hers got a whiff of her and it just went outright deranged. I think she saw it in that mutt's eyes, because to all accounts she ran the full length of the catwalk with that crazed mongrel in pursuit. Now I say mongrel because, though it might look like one of the pedigree handbag pooch's, I have my suspicions.
"Now I saw this mauling kicking off and I dived in to help, being an oftentimes reader of Ms. Pancetta's columns, and I remembered me a Pepperami I had in my pocket. Now I waved that sausage in that mongrels face and I guess it ended up saving Ms. Panacetta, because though the dog was small Ms. Pancetta is a waif of lady. Now how did I know that dog was a mongrel? Believe you me, it aint no pedigree pooch who's gonna go munching on Pepperami over Ms. Pancetta, so that's how I knows its a mongrel."
___
We're still waiting for more news from the hospital as to Veronica's current condition, but the good news is that she is stable and all damage was restricted to the ankle and below, due to the diminutive stature of her attacker. We have spoken to the family and they assure us that visitors are welcome. Veronica's physician has told us that due to the nature of the wounds the normal no-smoking rule of the hospital has been waived because they believe that smoking will help in the curing process. Veronica will be returning to her home in the Hamptons as soon she is well enough to be moved.
Visiting hours 9am-11am and 2.30pm-5.30pm, max 3 visitors, or 2 if extraordinarily large hams. Ward C: Burns, Minor Over-cooking and Bites
2 comments:
Hola Chicos,
I am e-pleathed to e-thee there ith e-much e-discussion about e-ham. In my country, there is mucho jamon (that is e-how we e-call e-ham).
Viva Jamon! and Viva Espana!
Veronica is in our thoughts and prayers. There will be a vigil on Hamday, starting at 6.30 followed by a short fashion show focussing on sandals. We are all devastated by this news - she is in Ham's Hands.
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